Wow. I was going through some of my old notebooks and things. (I keep notebooks for everything.) And I found the one that I kept the summer before seventh grade when I was suicidal, right after I moved. I found a copy of a really sad letter I sent to my best friend in New York. Just for the record, we were going out at the time. (Yeah, right out of sixth grade and in a long distance relationship-amusing.) We only knew each other for 5 months and we don't talk anymore but just in case someone else from New York is reading this, I'm not going to put his name on here because I don't feel that it needs to be disclosed. (**His name will be George, just for kicks)
*Bob was one of our other very close friends. We were like the freaking three musketeers. Obviously Bob is not his real name.
***The song "All My Life" By KC & JoJo was like THE song that my group of friends was in love with at the time. At my going away party the DJ played that song and we all stood in a circle with our arms around each other and cried. It sounds stupid but it was really sad.



Now, I don't know how this happened and I don't know if a week apart has done the same thing to you, but, well, I don't think we should be friends anymore. I realized I've been drifting away from you ever since we had that fight about me needing to grow up and stop acting immature. I mean, after that fight, I thought I still liked you but you were still acting strange to me. Before I got my computer hooked up in my new house and everything, I couldn't get online unless I was at my aunt's house and you were never on so when I was upset, I could never talk to you like I used to. After a while, I started to run to *Bob instead and I don't like Bob the way I liked you but he's been a lot of help and a really good friend. I didn't want to tell you, but I've been thinking about suicide for a long time. I really don't have a lot to live for. You're still a really good friend but I don't know if I'll be able to come to you with my problems like I used to. It seems like you're trying to change me into someone I don't want to be and I just want people to take me as I am. I'm never going to be able to make new friends here. I really thought I was loved. Well, I guess I was wrong. I also thought that I had a friendship so strong that it would never die. I thought I could always come to you when i was in pain. This time I can't come to you thought because you are the one who caused the pain. I'm really sorry, **George. We've shared some good times and you've taught me a lot about myself and how the world works. I know I'll never forget those lessons. They are things that can't be forgotten. I'll never forget how much I loved you or how stupid I was to think I had finally found what I was looking for "All My Life."*** I don't know if I'll ever find it. Of course, I don't know how long I'm going to live. I think something I have realized, is that no matter how much we put behind us, we'll never be able to be friends like we were. I've told you myself that you can't trust anybody in this world. I was right. Well, I know that even though God has shut a door, He will open a window, and maybe, just maybe, I will find another friend like you. I know this sounds weird, but, goodbye. I'll miss you.

I'm truley sorry.

-I Will Love You Forever-
Erika

ps- You were the first person besides my parents to ever tell me you loved me. Thank you...