This summer I learned a lot about myself. I discovered more in 6 weeks than in 16 years. But I know that, and anyone who reads my blog knows that. So why do I keep repeating it?
I don't know. I just wish that I could always be learning that much, not only about myself, but about others and life in general. I feel like everything I'm learning at Enloe is pointless. Something so pointless shouldn't have so much control over my life. Who's to say that memorizing a bunch of facts about the authors of the constitution and learning what enzymes are at work in cellular respiration are going to determine what college I get into and how successful I am in my career? Why do morals and thoughts and feelings, especially happiness, come in second place to academic achievement? I feel like we're all in a competition to see who can take on the most work and extracurricular activites and get the least sleep and be the most stressed out so that we can get into the best college for the least amount of money. What is the point of all of this?
I don't know what I want to do with my life anymore. Once upon a time I had it all figured out, now all I can tell you is I want to get out of this town. Because that's really all I feel like I need to do to make me happy. Call it "running away from my problems"; call it whatever you want. I need out. Too much shit has happened here and as long as I'm here I'll never be able to get away from that. I know that people will think that it won't matter, and once I'm out those thing will still haunt me, but I need to at least try. It's one of those lessons I have to learn on my own and nothing's going to change the way I feel about it until I actually do leave.
Now I have to go do chores and get all of my homework for this weekend done and then pack to go away tomorrow.
When do I get to sit down and breath? Am I even allowed anymore?