You know, sometimes I almost prefer being in school to being in this house.
My friends look at my family and think, "Wow you have such a big family and it looks like so much fun and they're all so great and you must be so happy," but quite frankly, it sucks. It sucks having a dad who's never at home. It sucks having a mom who's afraid to let me live my life and make my own mistakes. It sucks having a sister who's better than me at everything except having a social life and always makes my parents happy. It even sucks watching my brothers, who are failing 7th and 8th grade, still be happy and content with their lives, because they weren't raised to be overachievers like my sister and I.
It's not fair that when I finally bring home a good grade on an APUSH test or win a contest or find something that makes me happy I can't share it with anyone and get the congratulations that I want because it's expected of me. It's just meant to be that way. I'm supposed to get good grades, then come home and do homework, and then go work hard on something for church or jet off to another one of my oh-so admirable volunteer jobs and extracurricular activites. I work my ass off and no one pays any attention to me until I fuck up. And then when I point that out everyone denies it and then that makes me look like the bad guy.
I wish that people would just accept me as a screw-up, so that way I would be recognized when I finally got it right, because for a while there I was really doing okay and I was happy. I wasn't getting the best grades and I wasn't doing everything I was supposed to do everyday, but I was content. I wasn't stressed out for the first time in a long time and it felt really good. I just wish it wasn't so short-lived.