Also, on a related, but more comedic, note, this conversation actually just took place (spelling and grammatical errors included, God bless him.):
Scott: just finished off a 1/5 of wild irish rose at work. gata love the little things :)
Erika: You might be my hero. I just took a 4 hour nap and then texted all 5 of my boyfriends :)
Scott: haha you obviously playing the game right. but as you know i am compeditive so im goin for first ;)
Erika: You do that, sweetie. It's gonna be a tough race though ;)
Scott: oh really. i do live the farthest so i figur i have the bigest disadvantage. but i know im a shoe in. im great at EVERYTHING!
Erika: See, now you're just getting cocky, mister!
Scott: dont be silly. its all confidence baby.
Boys are so easy to play. That is a sentence that I will never repeat, because it sounds horrid. It is true. How ridiculous of me to forget that one little fact. How ridiculous of me to get caught up in emotional, dramatic bullshit for the past year. Oh, sweet release.
I spent the entire weekend at the beach with 'bee babies last weekend. They all told me that Scotty and I are going to end up together. I'm not sure how I feel about that yet. One thing is for sure: he is my best friend, possibly in the entire world right now. I just think we've been through too much bullshit for anything real to happen.
I am trying this new thing, however, where I roll with the punches. It is kind of nice. I am relatively content with the way things are going.
There is just one loose string that I can't seem to tie up though, and that, and only that, is keeping me from being truly satisfied with life. I don't know if he and I will ever get anything right. I don't know if I want us to, either.
Dear chicago,Maybe I deserve love, but maybe I need to stop pushing so hard to prove to myself that it exists. Maybe I need to, as they say, let it find me. Maybe it will. Maybe it already has. Only time will tell.
You'll never guess
You know the girl you said I'd meet some day
Well, I got something to confess
She picked me up on friday
Asked me if she reminded me of you
I just laughed and lit a cigarette,
Said, "that's impossible to do."
Life's gotten simple since
And it fluctuates so much
Happy and sad and back again
I'm not cryin' now too much
I think about you all the time.
It's strange and hard to deal
I think about you lying there
And those blankets lie so still
Nothing breathes here in the cold
Nothing moves or even smiles
I've been thinkin' some of suicide
But there's bars out here for miles
Sorry about the every kiss,
Every kiss you wasted bad
I think the thing you said was true:
I'm gonna die alone and sad.
The wind's feelin' real these days,
Yeah, and baby, it hurts me some.
Never thought I'd feel so blue
New York City, you're almost gone
I think that I've fallen out of love
I think I've fallen out of love
I think I've fallen out of love with you.
Excuse all of my horrible cliches today.
Don't push me out,
Just a little longer
Stall your mother.
Disregard your father's words.
Close the laundry door.
Tip-toe across the floor.
Keep your clothes on,
I've got all that I can take.
Teach me how to use
The love that people say you make.
Stop your parents car.
I just saw a shooting star.
We can wish upon it,
We won't share the wish we make,
But I can't keep no secrets:
I wish that you would always stay.
Last night I dreamt the whole night long
I woke with a head full of songs
I spent the whole day,
I wrote 'em down, but it's a shame.
Tonight I'll burn the lyrics,
'Cause every chorus was your name.
Break this tired old routine,
And this time don't make me leave.
I am a breathing time machine.
I'll take you all for a ride.
All I want is to not feel that way anymore.