I do love Dayn. Sometimes, though, he says and does horrible things that he knows are going to hurt me, usually he's drunk, and he never remembers, and he never seems to feel any remorse. What am I supposed to do about that? I'll never be strong enough to pack up and leave him, which is a pathetic thing to realize. I've given up too much to be with him, and I know things just wouldn't go back to the way they were before I met him. I know he loves me, I just wonder sometimes if he loves every part of me or just the pieces he wants to love.
you should capture my view
'cause i don't want nothing else but you
you could treat me like you please
baby, it's okay with me
leave me bleeding on the floor
from my heart, from my heart's core
On another note, I registered for classes for the fall. I am going back to school. That sentance looks so strange on paper, because I don't want to go back to school at all. Not because I'm lazy and don't want to do the work, but because I don't see any real point in it anymore. I still have no idea what I want to do with my life, and I feel like I should take more time off to figure that out before I dig myself further and further into debt for no reason at all.
I still hate my job more than anything. I wish I could just leave, but I know I can't.
I know I'm happy. I'm just so restless that I want to scream sometimes. I feel like a small kid throwing a temper-tantrum. I'm kicking and crying and no matter how much noise I make or how much energy I exert, I'm still not going to get what I want. Mom's going to drag my right out of that toystore by my arm, and that barbie doll will be lost to me forever, but I'll still kick and scream the whole way home, even though it won't get me what I want.
I miss writing. I've been looking back at all my poems on deviantart. I've never been able to capture my own emotion with words so easily as I could last year when I wrote all those sad songs...