You don't even know me...I don't even know you. But I hate you. I hate you for everything that you've done to me without even knowing it. I hate you for everything that you've done to yourself and everything that you've done to hurt all the people who love you. And I hate myself too. I hate myself for letting you do this to me and for caring. I don't know how to let go of anything, especially the things that hurt me the worse, so maybe that's why I'm holding onto you so tight. Maybe I'm afraid to let go because if I do then I'm admitting that you won, that you got exactly what you wanted, and I can't handle being a failure. Maybe if I finally let go of all this pain, I'll be happy for the first time in a long time and maybe I don't want to be happy. Maybe I'm afraid to be happy because it's an emotion that I haven't felt in so long and I might not be able to recognize it. I want to let go, I really do. I want to get better. I want to be happy...Sometimes I get so caught up in other things, important things, that I can forget about you for a few hours, sometimes even a few days, and I catch a glimpse of the happiness I've been missing out on. Just a glimpse, a quick look and then it's gone because you always come around and slap me back to reality, and the longer that I'm away from you, the harder it hurts when I come back. I don't even know how to handle this anymore. I can't talk to anybody about it anymore, they pretend they understand, they tell me that everything will be okay, but what they don't understand is that everything is not going to be okay. There is no happy ending anywhere close by. There's no yellow brick road for me to follow and I can't go ask the Wizard of Oz to give you strength enough to come back from wherever the hell you've been, or to give me the strength to let go, to give me the ability to become numb to all the hurt that you cause. I can't just click my heels together three times and suddenly wake up in my black and white world where everything is either right or wrong and there are no shades of gray. Maybe it can happen like that for some people, I don't really know, but that doesn't happen for me. It's not as simple as a question that I can answer with a yes or a no. My answer is always somewhere in between.