There are times when I think I'm getting over the whole "GSW witdrawal" thing, but then all it takes is for me to read someone's profile or myspace or something and everyone's like "Baaaahhh I miss it." and then I'm like "Baaaaah mee tooo!" and I lose it all over again. I just don't understand. None of it's sunk in yet. I still don't feel like it was real. It was, without a doubt, the best 6 weeks of my life, but I don't feel like it ever happened. It's hard for me to put all the pieces together in my head so that they make sense. Sometimes I still think that when I wake up in the morning I'm going to be in my dorm, but it never happens, and then I'm just dissappointed. I almost get angry with myself for even thinking something so stupid. I get upset with myself for wishing so much that I could still be there when I know I have a perfectly fine life at home.
It just wasn't what I expected. It was so much better. Nobody at home understands and I get upset about that too. Because all I want to do is talk about it (and it's really all I talk about) but then I can tell people are getting annoyed with me. It hurts to know that I've changed so much and nobody understands. I have these wonderful experiences and I feel like I can't share them with anybody without them getting angry with me. Even the people that I've always depended on to be there for me and understand, don't get it. And it's hard to accept that.
I don't want what I have anymore. I don't want this oh-so perfect and happy life that I've been given, with my wonderful friends and family and grades and everything. I don't want it at all. I just want to go back and lay down in the square or hang out in south or in monica's and courtney's room and pretend that I'm supposed to be there forever. Because in my mind that's how it's supposed to be, we're supposed to stay there. In my mind, we're still going back sometime.
But it will never be that way again. It will never be just us there. We'll get to go back on alumni day next year, but it won't be the same. There will be other people living in the same exact dorms we lived in and hanging out in the same places we hung out. I don't like that. I feel like I'm being selfish, but I just want it to be all ours. Always.
Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Oh, take me back to the start