29 September 2006

god knows how i miss you

It's been a rough week. I'm so stressed out, between regular schoolwork and all of the extra crap that the counselors are giving us to do and college applications and scholarsihp applications I'm losing my mind. Then for some reason everyone comes to me with their problems because apparently I seem like the person who can handle that and who is good at giving advice on everything from boyfriends to depression to eating disorders? Not that I'm not one of the most unstable people that I know. I really don't mind helping people and listening to people, just sometimes when I'm already stressed out, other people's life crisis can be such a burden and it's such a huge weight on my shoulders. And it would be nice if people would listen to me when I have something to say but mostly they just think that I am invincible. Mostly I don't tell them otherwise.

Today was good for the most part though. I got all of my grades, and other than the C in AP Chem, they are all good. We had no teacher for psych so I went to 6th lunch. Also it's homecoming so we had shortened classes for the pep rally and everyone was in a good mood.

I was happy too, until they called the names of the varsity soccer players during the pep rally. Next friday is coming up fast and I couldn't help but almost cry because I know he should've been standing there too. Little things like that have been setting me off all week. This time of the year is always hard.

And now we're all getting ready to jet off on our adventures. We're applying for college and making all of these big plans and I'm not ready to go. I feel like the past five years have flown by at superspeed and so many big things have happened and I'm afraid of leaving because I don't want those big things to become insignificant in "the greater scheme of things." I don't want to forget what I've learned the past two years and I don't know how I'm going to hold on to all of it if I'm not around the people who have inspired me to hold on for so long.

And also I hate being emotional and sappy like this. It's been an incredibly long week.

When everything you love starts to disappear
The devil takes your hand and says "No fear;
Have another shot--just one more beer."
I've been there. That's why I'm here.