Incredibly nostalgic.
I've been looking at old pictures. Turning the pages of the albums I can almost smell the same things I smelled in them; I feel the same way I felt then. Have you ever looked back at old pictures and realized that it was obvious all along you were the one who didn't belong there? Not because others didn't want you there or you didn't want to be there, but just because everyone knew that you wouldn't stay. Maybe it's because I know what has happened since those pictures have been taken, but I always look like the one that's ready to leave. I'm always ready to leave.
I never stay. Why don't I?
I always joke around and say that my friends have a 2 year time limit--like a time bomb. It's really true. This time next year I will probably have new friends.
Will I feel as numb and apathetic toward my life now as I now feel toward all the other lives I've led? And if I do, is it even worth it now? Do I know how to truly love anyone? Do I want to love? Am I really so scared to hurt that I have a mental block against loving even the most important people in my life? In the pictures that are taken this year, will I still look like the girl that's always on the verge of leaving?
I want to feel something, even if it's painful.