I wonder why I bother posting things like that sometimes. I am pretty positive nobody reads this blog anymore. I know people used to--even strangers were up to date on my life, but that was before I went private and disabled comments. I needed to know I was writing for myself and not for an audience. I needed to make sure I was recording real feelings and not tailoring them depending on who I thought was reading between the lines. I was always making sure not to give too much of myself away. Now I'm not afraid to give anything away, because if anyone is reading this, I have no way of knowing because they aren't going to tell me and I'm not going to look into it. So, cheers to you, my invisible readers, whether or not you exist. I hope you're up for a double-serving of emotional torments and revelations this evening.
Storm is coming, but I don't mind.
People are dying, I close my blinds.
All that I know is I'm breathing now.
I want to change the world, instead I sleep.
I want to believe in more than you and me.
But all that I know is I'm breathing.
All I can do is keep breathing.
All we can do is keep breathing now.
All that I know is I'm breathing.
All I can do is keep breathing.
All we can do is keep breathing.
All we can do is keep breathing.
All we can do is keep breathing.
All we can do is keep breathing.
All we can do is keep breathing.
All we can do is keep breathing.
All we can do is keep breathing
All we can do is keep breathing now.
I love him. He loves me.
I am so scared that I am jumping into this too fast like I have every other relationship.
I am so scared that it's not real. I'm even more scared that it is real.
And I am happier than I have been in months.
Scotty came to visit me. Randomly.
It was strange. I don't know how I feel about it.
The next day I got a text message from Chuck.
I didn't like it. My life is easier when I can ignore the two of them and pretend like our whirlwind saga never happened. I don't need to be reminded of where I've been.
Dayn hates hearing about where I've been.
I wish I had been a better person in my past so he wouldn't hate hearing about it so much.
But I feel like it's important to be honest. I'm not one to sugar-coat anything. Sometimes though, I think my past will be the thing to scare him away. At the same time, I am surprised he's survived this long.
Have you ever thought about what protects our hearts?
Just a cage of rib bones and other various parts.
So it's fairly simple to cut right through the mess,
And to stop the muscle that makes us confess.
We are so fragile.
And our cracking bones make noise.
And we are just breakable, breakable, breakable girls and boys.
I don't know what else to say.
I hate school.
I start a new job on Wednesday. I don't know how I'm going to work two jobs and go to school.
I can't handle all this shit. Balls. Balls. Balls.