There's no such thing as love in past tense. We didn't use to love him. Love doesn't end when someone dies. We still love him, maybe even more now than we did before...

That's my philosophical side at 8:45 on a saturday morning. And yeah I really did come up with that all on my own. Why can't school start at this time in the morning? Then maybe I'd be passing chemistry.

Funeral today. Mom doesn't want to take me but I'm making her. Meeting up with Kate, Olivia, Ryan, maybe Casey if she skipped her soccer tournament. I need closure and my mom really does not understand that at all. We fought about it the whole way home yesterday. She's not making my life any easier.

Ryan and I were talking last night, at the Crucible, about how the reality of it all still hasn't set in. How we still don't believe it happened, because it doesn't feel like it did. Maybe we know it did but don't want to believe it happened.

I know it's all I've been talkin about, but I'm sorry; don't expect that to change any time soon. My friend is dead. That's not something that I'm just going to get over. It's not something that's going to go away. And if you're expecting me to just get up and move on, then you really just don't understand at all.

So yesterday, I didn't update...um it was an okay day. I thought I was going to hold up and not cry, and I got depressed in between 1st and 2nd. It's weird walking with Kate to 2nd period and not having him there with us. But I didn't cry, until they came on the announcements 2nd period with the funeral arrangements. Sigh. So that whole period was just not good, and luckily we didn't do anything. Then the rest of the day was fine, I suppose. Went and saw the Crucible last night with Kate, Andrew and Olivia (Barnes). Olivia May was there too! Ahh I love her and she's coming to the TYM meeting Sunday! So excited. But yeah, the Crucible was really good. Noah was awesome as usual. It was kind of hard to follow and I didn't really understand the end because it was past my bedtime and I was half asleep, but oh well.

Soooo I guess I'm getting out of bed now and going to eat and take a shower and get ready for the funeral that Mom's taking me to whether she likes it or not....