I can't decide if I'm excited or if I'm sad. This summer went by so fast. I feel like I just got out of school. It was an incredible summer though. It changed me. A lot. I'm just afraid that when I go back to school I won't be able to hold onto all of that. I'm scared that everything I worked for this summer is going to slip away. It's almost like I shouldn't even be worrying about it though, because I know it's going to happen. It's already happening. I'm already going back to my "old ways." I'm picking back up all of the habits thatI thought I dropped at Governor's School, but really it's just like I put them away for a little while. They've always been there. Just waiting for me to become weak and depend on them again. And I know that as this year goes on, it will get worse, and I expect that by January I'll be me again.
I don't want to. I don't want to be the person that I thought I was before I left for the summer. I want to be the person that I became while I was there, but I can't. I can't hold onto it. It's too hard back in the real world, and I'm too weak to do it on my own, without everyone here with me.
The saddest thing is that now everyone's going back to school. It was okay while it was still summer, we had something left to hold onto. But almost everyone has gone back to school or is going back soon. And then our lives will be back in full swing. I'm already losing touch with people that were some of my best friends at Governor's School. We don't really have anything to say to each other anymore. And I'm scared that once we go back to our routines, we won't be able to keep in touch. Pretty soon, the 6 weeks we spent together will just be another chapter of our lives that we can look back on and smile about, but we'll never truly remember it for what it was.
Because 6 weeks is nothing if you think about it. I've been alive for 16 years and 6 weeks is just a tiny fraction of that time. Pretty soon it won't be important anymore. Pretty soon we'll stop trying to pretend like we're going back. We'll give up because it's not worth it, we have lives to live at home and we can't dwell on things that aren't coming back.
And as I keep growing more and more distant from the people around me, I wonder if I'll end up having anyone in the end, or if it will just be me.
I will remember you.
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by.
Weep not for the memories
I'm so tired, but I can't sleep
Standing on the edge of something much too deep
It's funny how we feel so much
But cannot say a word
We are screaming inside
We can't be heard