Monday and Tuesday were possibly the most stressful days of the year thus far. I felt like everyone was going to die on Monday. Me, Em, Stace & Nat were sitting in the car on the way back to school after lunch and I felt like we were all going to jump out the windows or start crying or something. I don't know. I don't like this whole 5 periods of AP stuff. It's not so great. Maybe it'll pay off, but I don't have any A's right now. All B's and one C(APUSH of course). I still have a 4.7, but life would be so much easier without the AP's.
Yesterday, when we went on lock-down for the drug bust, I was in Achenbach's class. (Oh yeah, fun.) But I actually listened to what she was talking about and some of the points she made were very interesting. She said "What happens when you lose a piece of yourself?" It was a rhetorical question of course, and it pertained to the book we're supposed to be reading, but I started thinking about it, and isn't that all we do with our lives: constantly lose and find pieces of ourselves? I mean, even at death, are we really complete? The only logical answer I could come up with to that question was "You start looking for a new piece to take the place of the one you lost." That's what human nature is about. We lose something important to us: a job, or someone we love, and we try to fill that void in our lives whether it be with a person or a hobby or a substance.
Isn't that how a lot of addictions begin? Losing a piece of yourself and then trying to make it better? I know that's why I started smoking. It was right after jr died and right after all of that drama last October. I didn't realize it at the time, but I was just trying to make things straight in my life. Of course it didn't help at all. Now I wish I could quit. Which I almost have, but only because I don't have any cigs right now. I know if I had some I'd smoke them.
Time to do my reflection on my Achenbach conference, then I think I will take a bubble bath. Yes.