You know, sometimes I'm okay with how everything is working out--I'm okay with how things are now. But all it takes is the mention of someone's name, or the smallest piece of a memory, to trigger everything that I've given up for this "new me" who I don't even like.
I feel like my efforts are pointless but I can't give up, because that's not who I am. I can't just let the past drop out of my mind and pretend like none of it ever happened, but I'm tired of struggling to hold on. I'm tired of being the only one who remembers or cares. I'm tired of the "what-might-have-beens" and the pictures and smiles and the memories that I know I'll never, ever get back no matter how hard I try.
God should have asked us if we wanted to be born before putting us on earth. He should've warned us that change is the hardest thing we're ever going to deal with, and that nothing lasts forever and there's nothing we can do about it. But given the option, would anyone say no?
I don't think I'm making sense to anyone except myself. I'm tired of that too.