I don't know if I've ever gone so long without this thing.
As far as the life of Erika goes, it's completely unwound--upside-down, inside-out--whatever. Strange that three months before I graduate the people that have been the center of my world for the past three years start to slowly fade away.
I understand that a lot of people don't approve of my lifestyle as of late. I get that. What I don't understand is why nobody will say anything to me about it. Maybe, being an upfront person myself, I can't get why anyone would want to keep something like that to their selves, especially those people who are supposed to be my best friends. Over the past few years I've put everyone close to me through a lot of hell, but never before have I felt like they've not been able to look me in the eye, almost like they're afraid of what they'll find there--afraid that their suspicions will been confirmed. I'm not going to step up to the plate and apologize for how I am. I'm not sorry. I'm not going to change things back to the way they were. I got tired of living for everyone else. That's how things are going to be, and if that means that you slowly push me away until we graduate and then even more until we go away to school, I'm fine with that. I can adapt. I've done it before. I just want you to be able to justify yourself and look at me and explain what it is that I have done to so deeply offend you all.
On a brighter note, I have made the "big decision:" it's Carolina next year for me. I guess I am excited. I don't really know though. I'm not sure what I want to do with my life anymore.