I could live like this for a while, maybe not forever, because presumably I am eventually going to crave emotional involvement; but for now I don't need that, and I could live like this. I could. I shouldn't, and I probably won't. Eventually the small piece of my conscience that still exists (regardless of it's never being awake) will wake up and tell me to stop. I hope though, that before that moment, it will hurt so bad that I have to stop. I hope it will hurt, because I know once it does hurt that I can be a real person again. I want it to hurt and it should hurt, but it doesn't yet. I want it to hurt so bad.
Until that time, I need to stop talking about it. My friends are bored with it. I wish I could push it aside as easily.
I gave me away.
I could've knocked off the evening,
But I was lonelily looking for someone to hold.
In a way I lost all I believed in,
And I never found myself so alone.
And you let me down.
I almost got my lip pierced today. Then Will and I got a flat tire in Raleigh. If I believed in God, I'd say he were sending me a sign. I don't believe in God though, so I think I'll go get pierced sometime next week.
I've been writing a lot. Good stuff too. Check it out.
I think there have only been two nights in the past three weeks that I have not been drunk. I think I should probably stop drinking. There is a very real possibility that I am developing alcoholism.
There is a very real possibility that I am developing an addiction to apathy.