i'll try to fix you

I wish he would give me a chance. And I wish he would stop toying with me. I know he feels bad, but playing up our friendship to make it seem like more is not the correct way to deal with this. That's never the correct way to deal with me. Underneath all of the pessimism, I am a hopeful person, and I don't know if I can stand my hope being shattered again.

I wish he would look at me the way he looks at her. That's all I want.
I would be faithful and happy and true and it would be beautiful.
And somewhere inside of me I know that's not going to happen.
And I don't know how to get over it now that I've put everything out there. Before I told him how I felt it was easy to go on pretending that it didn't exist, but now I know, and I've told other people and it makes it so real that it hurts.

I don't know if I can keep playing the best friend card. I'm tired of the best friend card. Unfortunately, that's all I end up being in the end. Maybe I should be grateful for the fact that I have such wonderful friends, but it's so hard not to wish for more. I can't just disregard my feelings this time.

baby, i've been here before
i've seen this room and i've walked this floor
you know, i used to live alone before i knew ya
and i've seen the flag on the marble arch
and love is not a victory march
it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah
hallelujah
hallelujah
hallelujah
hallelujah
well, there was a time when you let me know
what's really going on below
but now you never show that to me, do ya?
but remember when i moved in you
and the holy dove was moving too
and every breath we drew was hallelujah
hallelujah
hallelujah
hallelujah
hallelujah
maybe there's a god above
but all i've ever learned from love
was how to shoot somebody who outdrew ya
and it's not a cry that you hear at night
it's not somebody who's seen the light
it's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah
hallelujah
hallelujah
hallelujah
hallelujah