04 May 2009

raven thoughts blacken your mind

what the fuck are you supposed to do when the last guy on earth that you trusted breaks your heart?

I sure don't know, because if I did, I probably wouldn't be sobbing right now.

I can't even remember the last time I cried. Why do I do this to myself?

All he could say over and over again was "I'm sorry, Erika. I'm so sorry. And I mean that."

Excellent consolation.

I always knew there was a reason I have fuckbuddies and don't do emotional bullshit. I guess I just needed a reminder. I've gone soft. That needs to stop.

So, I'm done. I get to go home to my boys on Wednesday. It will be great and I will be happy and I hope I can forget any of this ever happened (even though I know I can't.).

As Scotty said, "Welcome back to reality. Sucks, don't it?"

Yes. Yes, it does. But it was good. I needed it. The life of Erika shall resume it's abnormal-normality.

First with your hands, then with your mouth
A downpour of sweat, damn cotton clouds
I was a fool, you were my friend
We made it happen...

Left by the lamp right next to the bed
On a cartoon cat pad she scratched with a pen:
"Everything is as it's always been. This never happened.
Don't take it too bad, it's nothing you did
Just once something dies, you can't make it live
You're a beautiful boy, you're a sweet little kid
But I am a woman."

I laid back down, wrapped myself up in a sheet
And I must have looked like a ghost
'Cause something frightened me
And since then I've been so good at vanishing

Now I do as I please and I lie through my teeth
Someone might get hurt, but it won't be me
I should probably feel cheap, but I just feel free
And a little bit empty

No, it isn't so hard to get close to me
There'll be no arguments, we'll always agree
And I'll try and be kind, but I'll ask you to leave
We'll both take it easy.

If you stay too long inside my memory
I'll trap you in a song tied to a melody
And I'll keep you there so you can't bother me.